I WONDER WHO SHE IS

 I remember when I was 8 or maybe 10 years old, there was a function in the house of my granny. All my maternal relatives showed up. After dinner, when we were enjoying deserts I was sitting with my aunt (the youngest one) and was playing with her one year old baby girl (the smallest and cutest baby I had ever seen) on couch. Suddenly, she asked me what I want to be in future. The question was indeed sudden, but I didn’t waste a mere second in answering, “A GOOD PERSON”. Her pretty faced wore a little frown, but it was gone as soon as I noticed it and her smile broaden. She said in her lovely, slow voice “But dear, you already are a good person.” And now it was my turn to frown “AM I?” I asked shocked, she nodded. But I didn’t believe her; I knew she was only saying that to make me feel good (isn’t that what elders always do!?) But pointing it out would look rude, and mainly, when she was so kind and sweet towards me. So, instead I said “THEN I WILL BE MORE THAN A GOOD PERSON THAN I AM!”  She smiled and touches my face affectingly.

Now when I look back at that day, I wonder where that Kritika is. The Kritika who don’t want to participate in a race where everyone wants to be doctor or teacher or engineer or lawyer...not that she looked down at those professions, but because she wants to do something new.

Now when I look at mirror, I see a new Kritika, the one who is running in this race. She doesn’t want to be kind; she doesn’t want to be good. She just want to do things fairly: like if someone pushes her down, she will not just stand now, but push that person further down, making that person regret his/her action, not caring whether that person is younger or older than her. This Kritika has forgotten the definition of new and unique she wants to be(or maybe she ignore the voice of little Kritika, who tells her to be good and kind).

I wonder sometimes- is she a bad person?

“The one who sees bad in good is a bad person”

(SAID BHISHMA PITAMAHA TO QUEEN URUVI- EXTRACT OF "KARNA'S WIFE" BY KAVITA KANE)

 But, she believes in looking at good in bad. So, she is not a bad person. But, she just believes, does she do it too?

She is far beyond bad, she is far beyond good and I wonder what kind of a person she is?

And I wonder that whether I am the only person lost in the ocean of this question...so I will you...

Do you know what kind of a person you are and are there just these two categories- good & bad?